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The Atticus Diaries
Bibliophile - atheist - reader of religious texts - B-School Grad - math-hater - part-time poet - wannabe bodybuilder - couch-potato - animal lover - non-vegetarian - software engineer - technophobe - day-dreamer - basketballer that never was - cruciverbalist - Indian - SriLankan - neither - marketing grad - financial analyst - another confused clueless speck living it up on good ol' earth!!

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007
All My Bags are Packed...

The things she'd touched lie around the house like fragments from a vivid, picturesque dream whose details are fading fast in the morning light.

Multi-coloured tourist guide-books full of meaningless rebates and proclivity to hyperbole that she'd collected diligently in the course of her month-long stay... The plastic daisies she'd rearranged in strict twin-colour combination at odds with my multi-colour bunches... Spices sorted and arrayed in idiot-proof order in the kitchen... My laundry all done and folded in the closet... Her pale yellow warning note on the burnt out fourth coil of my stove with the skulls she couldn't draw looking like twisted smileys... The bottle of Italian white wine from Wednesday night's dinner when I couldn't take my eyes off the candle-light dancing on her face... The jazz compilation on the DVD player from which she played Sophie Millman's Rocket Love again, again and yet again during our evenings at home... There's another strand of her hair in the washbasin - yesterday, she'd have cursed under her breath and flushed it away impatiently. Her potrait by a street artist lying next to the TV somehow seems more special than the scores of photographs of our Juneful of joy...

And now everything lies strewn like toys after the child has been put to sleep... Like it rained here all night - the warm, gentle yet incessant rain that trickles softly down like milk from a mother's breast... And in drying puddles and fading rivulets, the wet earth will try despairingly to hold on to memories through a long punishing summer.

Last evening again, she cried and I looked away. She had been brave - full of willed cheer like a little soldier, laughing at things that weren't really funny. But when the taxi radio played "Leaving on a jet plane..."  on the way to the airport, she hid her face on my shoulder and cried. It was too fucking coincidental...! If it had been the John Denver original, I would have joked about how it was she who was traveling, not me! But it was Chantal Kreviazuk with her strange penetrating voice like saxophone and single malt on a quiet evening. I stared into the setting sun over Lasalle as the taxi sped on. She said she hated airplanes because they took people away. She has said that before. I smirked and said they also bring people together. I, too, have said it before. Our's is a relationship steeped in goodbyes. Nobody told us that with two and a half years of practice, they'd only become increasingly difficult.

How long can two lovelorn lives keep flowing adrift of each other with just the promise of a tomorrow together keeping them from falling to pieces? I don't know! All these careful, calculated decisions we make with our meticulous and mercenary minds - how they come to tug at our hearts later!

On my way back, a reminder she'd kept on my mobile popped up dutifully to call me pet names and tell me she loved me... I fought down a strange hot gulp clutching at my throat and smiled stupidly into the dusk... May be, we need this pain to realize how much we need our loved ones to complete us. May be, that's just a hollow excuse to let me sleep alone on "your side" of the bed that night. I winced this morning when I almost called her name from the shower to ask for the towel that I could afford to forget all of last month. And as I picked my shirt, I saw that she had left her new blue saree behind. She hadn't worn it even once. I smile indulgently... Now, we'll have to wait till she's back here next April - the saree and I.

Goodbyes hurt and the pangs slowly morph into the vacuosness of waiting. But then, the only good part about being apart is that every day is a day closer to another exultant reunion with a crushing hug that lasts an eternity. Every dry meaningless morning spent staring into a laptop screen is another step toward those halcyon days on that mountain villa where we'll start a family one day... Every day spent apart is another day closer to where life shall have finally earned it's rest in a loving lap...

Till then, one day at a time...

November 14, 2007   09:31 PM PST
It is one of the most beautiful and most romantic pieces of writing I have seen in a long, long time. You have captured the essence of being away from someone you love - I have always thought words were very inadequate to describe what one feels - well, you have proved me wrong.:)
August 10, 2007   12:04 AM PDT

Merci beaucoup, mon ami! :)
August 10, 2007   12:03 AM PDT

Thanks da!
August 9, 2007   06:24 PM PDT
Beautiful post.
Its heartening to know that this "bye" and separation isn't going to last for long.
August 9, 2007   02:47 AM PDT
Dear Anna,

U keep bettering your best!!!
I dunno what else can be said. Love's pain is magic!
August 8, 2007   09:37 PM PDT

Thanks for dropping by mate... And for taking the time to comment :)
August 8, 2007   09:36 PM PDT

Thanks a lot :)
Rangakrishnan Srinivasan
August 8, 2007   08:11 PM PDT
Happened to come across your blog from a friend's blog. A real beautiful blog with great wonderful "i-can-relate-to-it" kind of writing. I read quite a few articles in one go.
August 2, 2007   06:15 AM PDT
Hope U2 are united soon. N like Mark Wahlberg said in the movie 'The Perfect Storm', "There are no goodbyes, only love." :)
July 30, 2007   10:20 PM PDT

Thanks Nikhila....

And I wish I lived in your hometown... So we are even :D
July 30, 2007   03:57 PM PDT
Incredibly beautiful!!! All the best to u both ..I wish I could write like you :)
July 20, 2007   12:18 PM PDT

Blogdrive gobbled it up, probably.. Would you care to repeat what you said, please?? :)
Padma Ramachandran
July 20, 2007   01:37 AM PDT
Where did my previous comment go?
July 14, 2007   02:04 AM PDT

Thanks bud and welcome to these parts :)
July 14, 2007   02:03 AM PDT

Thanks Lady... Hopefully, the missus will be in Montreal by next year :)
July 13, 2007   07:43 PM PDT
its heartening to know that not all goodbyes are one sided.

may you be reunited soon.
July 13, 2007   02:49 PM PDT
beautiful touching post...reminds me of times when i had to say goodbye to my then-boyfriend-now-husband and then we decided it's the last of goodbyes ever....hold on to the beautiful memories....they'll take you through trying's wishing you two a beautiful life ahead and hopefully you'll be together soon..very soon :)
July 13, 2007   12:04 PM PDT

Thanks mate.... And hope you liked Shivaji :D
July 13, 2007   12:03 PM PDT

I replied :)

And going to the blog right now...
July 13, 2007   12:03 PM PDT

Thanks and welcome to this space :)
July 13, 2007   12:02 PM PDT

Thanks mate :)

July 13, 2007   10:16 AM PDT
If I'd been the guy driving the taxi that took her away and had read this post, I think I would have waited till the time she visits again so I can make up for it...

Whoever said "Goodbyes" are just about smiling and waving...must not know what it was like to be the one smiled and waved at...

Bro...when she's back again, the wine's on me :)
July 13, 2007   07:10 AM PDT
sent a mail to you,and there is a post at the blog which you might want to read.
July 13, 2007   02:14 AM PDT
very nicely written. parting is not always sweet sorrow..but kudos for doing such a good job of dealing with it. :)
July 12, 2007   01:11 PM PDT
Hmmmm.... So much activity in a day... It's almost like my old Calcutta days...

Thanks folks!!! I am nostalgic :)
July 12, 2007   01:10 PM PDT

Thanks :)

Distances do suck!!! But the world's round, ain't it... So, hopefully... :)
July 12, 2007   01:09 PM PDT

Thanks bud!
July 12, 2007   01:08 PM PDT

Hola Senorita! Como estas?? ;)

July 12, 2007   01:07 PM PDT

Awww! Thanks!

And welcome to this space :)
July 12, 2007   01:07 PM PDT

Thanks :)
July 12, 2007   01:07 PM PDT

Thanks for taking the time to comment, buddy! Keep dropping by..
July 12, 2007   01:06 PM PDT

Good good.... Do take care of the kid... Don't spare the rod, either :D
July 12, 2007   01:05 PM PDT

Will do, Lady...

BTW, I strongly recommended Shivaji over Potter for your weekend... B wouldn't hear of it :((
July 12, 2007   01:04 PM PDT

Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to comment...

You comment reminds me of the book I am reading right now - The Memory-keeper's Daugther... It traces the lives of two couples - one always apart physically and the other emotionally distant... Good read...
July 12, 2007   01:02 PM PDT

Thanks Bro!!!
July 12, 2007   10:50 AM PDT
I really wish i hadnt read this sitting at work...its hard when you identify with so much of what's written and not be moved by it - beautifully written...but i wonder if it has more to do with it sounding like my own story!! Distances suck..but like someone else has already commented, i hope it is a lifelong lesson in never ever taking the partner for granted...
July 12, 2007   08:59 AM PDT
Very well written mate.
I hope you guys are together very soon..
July 12, 2007   08:51 AM PDT
<HUG> :)
July 12, 2007   08:09 AM PDT
lovely post... almost fightings tears by the end of it. one day at a time indeed.........
July 12, 2007   05:26 AM PDT
Very lovely !
Amazing way of expression of love to the love !
May you be together soon !!!
July 12, 2007   04:57 AM PDT
Hey Man... Your write up is totally amazing... I felt quite similar to what you felt when I had to say goodbye to my fiance...
July 12, 2007   03:07 AM PDT
Why do you make it so difficult ? But then where is happiness if not for difficulty :) You kids make me cry ! Love you both :) Spoke to ~B. Will meet this weekend...and not to worry - we shall the take care of our kid :D
July 12, 2007   02:32 AM PDT
You guys just get married!! ASAP! :)


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